If Thelma wasn't a part of my life....I think I would feel like everything was at a complete standstill right now. All I can do is sit and wait. For the house to sell, for the right farm to magically appear....for my life to transform itself. Next in line to becoming a mother, this move is the greatest transformation of my life. Not because the idea of having a farm is so obscene, but just that this really is my dream about to come true. But the truth is, I have NO idea what I am doing...and I know that I have this idealistic, romanticized vision of what my life on the farm will be like. What I really want is to having something substantial to pass on to my children. I suppose this is what we all long for really....just that some people find bank accounts more valuable than dirt. But I have always been of the hands-on sort...so my kids are getting dirt. Lucky them. I wonder, will they despise me for this decision I am making? I am choosing for them a life that is so different from the one that they would lead if Delip and I chose to stay in St Paul. My guess is that at least one of them will. Maybe it will even be Thelma. And she and I will spend her young adult years and my grey-braid years trying to figure out where we both went wrong. Hey, at least I'll have my farm.